Thursday, October 25, 2007

2nd last day @ 17 xxx xx xxx rd

when i said "just taken" i really meant like minutes ago.

i dunno why i suddenly have this urge to just load the pictures i have taken while my camera is charging.
==. inner voice: Not sure if you remembered this, but years back, maybe not years but many many months back, you mentioned something about a chest of memories. And guess what? you almost left out this chuck of memories and decided to move out without it. Thank goodness you came back early from work to check on all the drawers.

It's saddening to note that this is in fact the second last night that i'm going to sleep here. i feel alittle uncomfortable just thinking about it. Although i'm going to move in a queen size bed. (with my sister of cos), there something about leaning on this double decker bed, sitting on the floor blogging that makes my heart lurch as i think about the next few days. Have you ever experienced anything like this? The one time i can recall feeling like this was a break up.


i guess you can say i'm all emotional, trigger teary, but i really cant bear to leave this place. All the time i wish we will move, and now that it's happening i'm actually sad. Char actually dedicated a blog entry for me. i like the title. Very harrry potter like. Not sure if was meant tobe that way.


" the girl who lives on"---- 17 xxx xx xxx rd.
how easy to remember? And how hard to forget. literally for me.

Perhaps it's the fact that this place is so huge, i've been keeping alot of stuffs in this. Hiding even that i've forgotten they existed still. I'm going to show some pictures which are not going to mean much to most of you, but they meant something special to me.. , i held them deary enough to keep it till this day, and it amazes me to know i've not thought much about them until they surface before me. And partly because of these little treasures of mine, i'm going to set up a flickr account to store their presence.


a musty blue glass bottle.


Yet another message in a bottle. I'm loving this. Memories, from AJC Netball.


Dont be sad that i've a group of friends to hold hands with. I'll hold hands with you too.



We can hold hands together.


it's making sad as i take out these things. Will i have forgotten about them if i never move house? Will they really stay buried in my drawer while i go ahead and accumulate new experiences, new friends, new chapters of my life?



it took me a while to recall what and why i kept this. Sob. * i like the way i took it*



the way it was kept so many years.






a gift from primary school which i kept cos it was an encouragement, or so i think. It's really hard to remember things once you past 20, even more when these things supposedly took place when you were <10 href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGBPpJn-YYtZdMf53SykX50-nrSchscCmlgPElJ_mviAF7Obz2X7P4Dcme6mLuwRRpJbbp73UqG6-xQLhYmgKrXyNAy4FVZBa-HotG2-GJ0Q32MQqtdTwY80FAu8bKc5k7fk9uw/s1600-h/IMG_2304.JPG">

Identity? Responsibility? Or tragedy?hiaks. Just trying to rhyme. no tragedy.I knew the greatest people through this.



VDAY ACJC. A very special day. I rem getting brownies. i rem writing letters,i rem receiving a lily, i rem jeli baking cookies, i rem roses, beautiful flowers all over the school, i rem the next Vday at AJC, i rem a floating balloon, i rem a surprise. *smile*

got this @ fundorama where i went with jeli, jg and yc. bumped to shiying and gang. bumped to peiling and gang. it's like a huge gathering, which is pretty cool granted i was only there for like 3 months. The 3 months where boy from boy school meets girl from girl school. haha, very teenage text book.
Alright, enough of my reminiscing, it's been so heartwarming. And even if i failed to remember them everyday in my heart, i know they are somewhere in me. All i need is a trigger... just like house moving.*may these memories never fade*

(hooey rushes off to more house packing) hopefully this is the last instalment so that she can focus on packing.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Oct to be fool

Did a couple of things while i was online.

Today was at the new home doing some moving stuffs when my first parcel came to me. It's a good thing we went over or the poor couier man would have made a wasted trip. He was shocked too when he delivered the parcel. Fedex made my day. So once i came home, i installed my software onto my laptop. feeling Happy=).

Anyway, second thing i did was to join facebook. Yes, i heard so much about it when my colleague coereced me to join so that we can figure how to go about playing this thing that got everyone so hyped up, i decided to enrol and found a few of my hip friends have already joined this and added me as their friend. thanks hippies.

Well, Not much stuffs for a 3.24 pm. I missed my kid read and i wanted to pass some toys to the kids somemore, but i got home abit too late after going over to the new place and had to give kid read a skip. This house is still barely empty and i cant believe we will be moving out in 6 days time.




NOw you see it.

Now you dont.


Anyway, i'm dismantling this not to move it to my new place. We 've got all our new furniture in already. i'm dismantling so as to vacate this room. The bed frame cannot fit out of the room.




With the girls at Ma Maison celebrating wen's birthday!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Confrontation in the worst form

Sometimes,

i think the saddest thing that can happen, is knowing that you cant change something which you used to have control but chosen not to do anything and wait. And when it surfaces again, you are faced with the harsh reality that you will never be able to revert or act upon your will.

I think it's okay if you are never ever going to be confronted with what your decision or lack of decision has brought.

But if one day, it hits you right in the face and you're confonted with it, will you or will not regret?

Past, Present, Future

i'm so happy to have made wen so happy on her birthday.=) Just saw her blog, and been wanting to post about her scrapbook online but that would have spoilt the surprise, which, frankly.. isnt much of a surprise when the birthday girl herself knew of it before the actualy day.

*******

7 more days before i leave my humble home. today is exhausting. i dismantled a bed. i move out 3 cabinets. I did take the pictures but i'm alittle too tired to load it up now. My camera has been with me all the while, be it choosing furniture, adding colours to my room, moving things from my current home, still frames of this soon to be just house rather than home.



My new room is much smaller than the one i'm residing now, but it has a pretty ok touch (at least when i went over today and see the furniture + painted walls). i think what it needs now is the decor plus lighting's.



*********

Did i ever mention the tot of having my own business is looming in my head recently? Or rather it has been put into my head over lunch by my colleague and then suddenly one by one we thought how nice it would be to have a sideline and start a business together. And though we dont have a concrete thought on what business it would be, we knew for sure it would be a lady's business. Girls' business are by far most lucrative, but interesting to note the few which kicstarted thingy about doing business together are not the typical girls who will spend money on typical girls' stuffs. okay, maybe i'm an exception... for one thing: spa and massages.


*********
Had dinner with the girls to celebrate wen's birthday at ma maison at central. It's quite a nice secluded spot. and i was first. picture that?


Anyway, i took alot of pictures of the birthday girl and wonderful dinner which was followed by icecream at haagen dazs.



Will load them too if wen permits.

****************



yes, what's with the ***? Just rando m thoughts.



****** May i have the strength to keep me going..



this month i found myself being tested. blew up couple of times, disagreements with my family, my colleagues at work (over work of cos). It's just so hard.


I realize i'm not one to keep my emotion well hidden. I'm angry at someone, i show it. ( i dont even know how to act calm and cool when i'm fuming even at work). of cos i dont yell but i dont sound my most nicey self.


hooey aint letting anyone bully her. haha.


***********
Been involve at some fun stuffs at work too, choosing idol/s for the upcoming party.=)
******

Have you ever feel you have lots to say but when faced with an avenue, be it a person or a book or a blank screen, you just dont know how to go about to start?

I pry open my diary last week. yup, you heard it right. It 's my second diary that i ever written and it has witnessed my primary through to secondary school life. It's highly personal which was the reason why i bought a diary that came with a lock. well, i wasnt sure if i bought it or pestered my mum to buy it. Whatever the case, i only found the diary but not the key! so there i was, figuring of opening it with a thin wire. And yet, the moment i open it, i did not even read it. I just closed the book back and kept it in the box. I din think about why i din read it, but now that i'm thinking, it might be because,

i've grown so much, changed so much from then, i prefer now than i used to be.

I din open to read the entries, but i roughly knew how i was like when i was that age. i was quiet. I was reserved ( i guess), opening up to only those few people and merely smile at others. I was submissive. i dont think i thought much those days.

****

As i had my few recent quarrels with my mum ( which is really rare), i started to fear growing up.

I think growing up being independent scares me sometimes. I fear i grow and change into someone i dont really like, and the sad thing, i'm aware of it straight after our quarrel and yet, something indignant in me refuses to just mellow or say sorry. Instead, those hurtful remarks continue to come out. Stinging like a horrible bee sting, or a jellyfish's pierce. At that instance, i just feel so horrible.

*******
Do you think, one day when i start reading my blog (future diary) and just find myself returning back to these pages simply because i prefer who i am now... than who the future me will be like? Will i then run out of things to say because all that i have to say are nasty, are complaints, are ruins?

I dont know man.

(well, i'm still smiling if it's anything).

Monday, October 15, 2007

Personal rant that 's been bottled up

Here i am alone in the living room. Glancing at my place which seem like a last time for a weekday morning like this.

Work has been piling up, it's projects and events all coming in together, setting up qualifications, tool buy-off, process data analysis and presentations yet to be prepared.

I'm enjoying all this rush and yet at the same time, i'm hating the suffocating feeling just thinking of all the work and errands i have to run.

1) wiring of home network in the new place? or adopt wireless for all the terminals?
2) How to decorate the new room? Types of lightnings? curtains and bedsheets, quilt designs?
3) Fixing of wall shelves? how many and where to put it?
4) Aircon position? Will it interfere with the paint design which i've done up over the weekend?
5) Bath room renovation?
6) updating change of address in all documentations that has to address field. And in singapore context, this number can run up to 100s of form, bills, updating anyone who sends you mail.

Social Events:

1) birthdays? 3 this month (yet to come)
2) Hen-party? 1 this month (yet to come)
3) Company party housing 3000+ (yet to come, end of the month) and should i even need to elaborate i'm being arrowed into this again as the organising committee?


We are already mid month and there's only another 4 weekends. let's not forget the moving house actually takes place end of the month and the incessant packing, throwing, donating going around the house.

it's times like this i wonder, if my mental power is actually strong enough that i have no collapsed or if i'm been complaining so much inside me that it actually self-regulates??

I dont really head out for fun cos frankly the most fun thing is lying in bed and dozing off straight away. or snatching that little bit of time to and from work to read harry potter, uninterrupted.

I dont watch much tv even i fall asleep on the couch when i head home, still in my work attire and woke up to cold food.

I'm not trying to gain pity down here. it's just been so exhausting. but, it's good to know at the end of it all, the family stands together. 4-5 trips to Ikea lasting 4-5 hours each time? yes, horrible walking but yes, wonderful as a family making decision.

It's like the past few weeks just went past me without me slowing down to consider how i even got it through.

I could so cry and laugh thinking about it. Maybe i'm weak and all these piling on somebody else is no problem at all, but these series of events (some yet to come) has shown how vulnerable and unaccommodating i am. My sister is the one who's been the versatile and adapting one when i used to thought i was. She's the elder sister among us who cooks for us after our long work. (yes this is a hyper weekend), i think out of 48 hours, we only slack for 12 hours, and working our ass off for 36 hours.

She's the one who bear my rant and so did he.

I'm one spoilt kid who knows clearly what i want and want not, and expect people to think the same, especially my close ones.

And all this while, i like to think i've been rushing all these for other people and kept complaining i have no time to myself. This is true... until this morning, but i kept forgetting, in the midst of working with others, working for others, doing things for the family, they too had compromise my attitude and behaviour. They too had bore my share of tiredness and frustrations. They too, had worked with me.


This, i believe is something you wont get with anyone else, except family.


* I only thought of the title after completing this post, and i remembered coming across a small message bottle while clearing. i dint want to throw it away. I told him yesterday, i could whisper my wish and kept it enclosed. haha, i think it's more of bottling up my frustrations and only releasing it now.

Nothing like house moving

it's monday morning and i'm so glad for the leave in lieu for Sat's public holiday.

This is by far, the most fruitful weekend i had in ages, although it's very tiring and straining, it's really eventful.

had my share of tears, fears, anger, harsh words, raised voice, paint job,, furnishing shopping, lighting selection. Took photos to detail the process as well.

And having done that on both fri afternoon( half day off) to saturday to sunday, it sure feels good to sit down in my living room on monday morngin at 10 am.

it does.

and hooey is at ease. more later.