Time after Time

i've logged in, stared into the screen for a couple of mins, wondering what to type. Sensed that it's getting nowhere and turned on music player on the comp, willing the right music to put those fingers to work as i let my mind flow.

Listening to a few songs, i could only settle down and start on this page having listened to "Time after Time" by Eve Cassidy. And yet, only the lyrics trinkled in my head while the rest of my thoughts hovered in a haphazard fashion.

Closing my eyes, i tried picturing letting the week's chores, strained moments, confrontation with the different parties, hearing this and yet doing that, experienced the art of invisible, diplomatic shoving when it comes to tasks and responsibilities, witnessed my peaks and falls, interrupted sleep by calls from the line, decisions i make or choose not to which results in consequences that are beyond me.

The satisfaction i get from managing is one that's almost perverse and self-induced as i push myself each day. As i ticked off the action items laid out, and as i add on as many action items each day... The end-results can be so rewarding, so obvious and yet the process of getting there can be so tedious and bullet-paced.

As though fighting with time aint enough, i'm in a field that requires me to fight with time, money and quality. All at one shot.

"Go slow... i'll follow behind. The second hand unwinds. " Maybe it's the soothing lyrics and acoustic tune that puts me at ease. Been on jitters and high-alert mode the whole week, Crippled with the fact my partner is on MC for the past weeks. I'm surprised at my mental strength or whatever is left of it.

Thanking whatever that got me past this week, i've grown much stronger, realized how isolated one can possibly allow oneself to feel in the face of fear. How drastically you realized that you're no longer at school and how the methods you might have chosen to evade or to tackle doesn seem relevant at all. And how, at the midst of all these, having someone who cares makes everything seems a tad easier.

There will be obstacles facing us, time after time. The paths ahead will never always be smooth. For if it is, it will be nothing worth highlighting or remembering. Time after time, we will find ourselves in the pits of crisis, challenging ourselves to newer heights, crawling out of troubled waters, clearing the air (so much for the haze) and working towards a stronger self.

Eve cassidy "Time after time".

* side note: Wondered if it's high-alert mode that i've been in this week that triggered me to note almost minute details and amusing myself how some simple things can reflect the principes of how we handle situations. Attended a child-management workshop and learnt some stuffs which i'll probably share in another post. Beside this workshop, attended some work-related courses which prompted me to see process engineering in a whole new light altogether. We are all process engineers in our own way. You might not have realized it yet. This again, another amusing thought which i'll share in another post. *