Happy Mother's Day

I'm a tad sad i took that long to blog, i didnt know almost a quarter of 2012 has passed since my last post. And we have done quite a couple of stuffs in this period.

 1) We've gotten a new car. Yes, that's my daily mode of transport to work, i've grown to enjoy the ride and peace. Though the sad part is, i dont get to read on transport nor do i get to stare into space, people watched or fall asleep. The best part is i saved a good 45 mins off travelling which means more zzz for me- Jan 2012

 2) We've got a new place! Yes, we are rather fast movers in this aspect, and i cant wait for our new place to be up! Great ideas for decoration, having friends over for meals, DVD, or just chilling with the facilities in store.- Mar 2012

 3) We've step foot on Europe-> Switzerland, a place both of us wanted to go, and we were joined by jon which made it even more fun, and memorable. Even though hang-gliding was cancelled, we were able to go up to Jungfrau, Top of Europe ( An really expensive ride) but hey, it's the 100th anniversary this year. We just returned 2 weeks ago, and it's such fun looking back at the pics.

 4) And today marks Mother's day. Feeling abit more,( not because i'm preggie), which quite a few of my friends are, but perhaps because they are, and this year marks the year i'm celebrating with both mothers ( my mum and my hub's), and seeing friends around me post pics, status of their gifts ( be it receiving for the first time, or from their cute toddlers), or even our generation wishing our mum's happy Mother's day via facebook.

One cant help but feel overwhelmed with Motherly love. Nurturing love perhaps would be a better word. I had a conversation with my mum today, how young people today, are no longer that family-focused. We tend to ( i use the word tend) put their priorities on a balance scale. Family/ Work/ Personal/ and eventually Retirement. which is more important and how would you get your way through to a smooth Retriement?

 In our late 20s early 30s, we are all over fulfilling our wants, our almost compulsory annual travel trips to get away from work, climbing up that ladder just to get that promotion, hit the next income level, get an apartment with your beloved, planning for wedding, having that honeymoon, buying the latest gadgets, or eyeing that handbag. It's a phase most of us will identify with.

 For some, it's pursuing higher education, furthering our studies, be it abroad for that independent, travel experience, or local ( part-time : i salute), or full-time just to focus on getting that one item checked. Then it comes the point, when people start their family, photos of babies start appearing on your facebook. Gatherings of House-warming, now coupled with baby-shower, if not, it will be hearing so and so has gone for maternity leave, and 4 month break just seem oh that welcoming. Of course, in the year of dragon, you gotta coupled it more with securing your confinement lady, booking your maternity ward, or perhaps ( if not too crazy,) doing volunteer work for that infant care centre just blocks away from you. Do they even have that? Are we or are we all not chasing some dream set by the norms of our modern society? What else is there left?


 Back in our parents' era, starting a family comes naturally after marriage. Once you have one, usually, you will find # 2 coming along shortly, some with #3, and for rare cases in the 1990s ( like my family) we have a #4. Life was tough, the internet evolution came about in the 1980s....and that's when information overload, growing economy, globalization, terms coined like Foreign Talent, Competition, came about and stayed on. I dont remember hearing my parents complain, i dont remember hearing my parents sigh to each other, asking for a break from all of this, having a trip all by themselves. They save, scrimped (prob we dont see it), and they make sure we have food on table, air-con at night, and books to study, and of course, the occasional trip to the beach. I had a fun childhood. But today, will that still be the case for say, 40% of the kids?

 I cant say much for those in the upper primary to secondary students ( i dont have the data points), my statistics data comes from friends whose kids range from 2 month old till 5 years old. Well, if i were to include my colleagues, then 9 years old. So, hardly enough to know what the kids today are really going through as they learn to study independently, take responsibility for some of the actions that they are assigned to. I'm scared when i think of all these, I'm not sure how sustainable a parent i will be should i be given this opportunity. But, i will not ever want to think because of a kid, i have to give up on so and so, give up certain facets of my life. At the same time, both of us want to have kids someday. We are kids ourselves, and so we have to learn to take care of others. The idea of being responsible for someone for the rest of their life, seems daunting and yet intriguing at the same time.


 Just as i came across this line: I'm afraid of Success AND Failure. Yes, it sounds strange, but i can totally relate to it. On this mother's day, no amount of $, gifts, can express the gratitude i have for the wise woman i call my Mum. I'm here, because of her. I'm who i am today, the thoughts , the personality i have today, is directly and indirectly because of this great lady, whom i'm so proud, so proud of that i will constantly try to recall the things she has done, for me, as that's how i want to teach, impart to my future generation. I love you mum.

New Post 2012- My 30 birthday week

And so, before i knew it, my 30th birthday week is about to end. It has been a great week so far. I've spent CNY + birthday with wonderful people who mattered to me most, received surprises, gifts, thoughts from folks for far. I'm a happy contented woman. Yup, dont think i qualify for a " girl" now.

And i've been meaning so much to have some spare time to myself. Yes, really spending it with myself, with my thoughts, sitting on my coach and just typing all what i have been feeling since the beginning of this 2012.

I've pretty much started 2012 being really sick and unwell, i had fever and headaches for consecutive days and had to go to emergency dept in Raffles Hospital to take a blood test. It was freaky as the doc initially thought i had Dengue. ( Not for the 2nd time??!! i thought). Thank goodness ( or not), it ended up as viral fever and my fever subsided after a few days, but my headache persisted. It was horrrible having this headache which painkiller do not seem to cure and I had to go to several chinese docs to find out the root cause. Finally, after completed the medication ( diagnosis: heaty lungs and liver), i was back to normal.

And perhaps, it was this illness that somewhat changed my perspectives drastically. In a way, i always knew health was important, i was one who always aimed to strike a balance between work and life but this illness taught me to even MORE appreciate the people around me, showed me what i have been taking from granted ( unknowingly), and what i have been missing out while enjoying the love, convenience brought about from my parents.

Example:
1. I do not know how to cook cooling herbs, water to cool down my "internal organs"=> my mum made for me and i was so touched, i took a pic of it on my phone.

2. My mum-in-law bought me more herbs ( from the chinese medicinal hall) knowing my headache and fever did not subside.

3. My dad called up his friend to find out which chinese doctor is good and my family took me there and waited for more than an hour for the doc to see me and prescribe my medication.

4. My hub came home early everyday when i was sick, checking on me, he spent his weekend at home with me even though i was asleep most of the time and he had nothing to do.

5. My diet was controlled ferociously by my hub and my family. Cooking light meal, no oily food, even for them

6. I realize i do not know how to take care of myself, i shuddered at the thought how i'm going to take care of my kids, my loved ones should they fall ill.

7. I realize how ' shallow' our lives has become. Material needs, eating processed food, using money to buy convenience.

This made me even more determined, to cook, to create value, to be independent so that others can be dependent on me. Yup that's it.

With that, i shared these thoughts with the weekenders, yup, weekenders has become a very integral part of my life. of our lives ( hub and me).

In fact, i'm ending this "work weeK' with a dinosaur exhibition with S and J! That reminds me. I have yet to load pictures. Okay, i probably continue this post another time. But most important phrase for myself this 2012.

" to be independent, so that others can be dependent on me"!

A Moment like this

It's my shutdown again.

It's period like this when i often feel i want to make the most out of my free time. I will have options like the below.

a) Gym so that i make full use of my package
b) Library as i really need to read to feed my brain
c) Errands, like financial planning, clearing room, clearing my brain
d) spending with loved ones, wanted to ask mum to tea but forgot she was working, wanted to ask in-laws but they had a heavy lunch
e) Shopping? However, since i'm going HK this thursday, it seems too much to start shopping now, tho i eventually did get a bag. ( oopsie)

So, having done none of those and thought all of those, i came back home feeling tired. Yes, i believe all these thinking and having done nothing actually makes it more tiring, than to have just give myself time to rest, to relax, to not worry about wasting time.
One should not have to worry about all these... especially on a shutdown.

So, i'm actually feeling alit liberating, and i set to clear my list one step at a time...

Side note: i'm really excited about going to HK!

A letter to myself 10 years down the road

it's been some time since i blogged. some of you might have heard what happened to me, some might have guessed having reading my last post. Yup, i'm RE...

Aftermath? Post- thoughts? Having past 2 weeks since i last heard this news, i guess this two weeks have been... now, what's the best word for it?

I've been really conscious about how i felt the past two weeks. This news is something which many of us, especially those around my age dont really experience. Say... you are in your 1st or 2nd job? 3rd the max...minus those part-time, attachments and all.

Conscious because of what reason ? I dont think i have the full answer. I just know, i've been making mental points in my head. Take this week for example, i realize i've been taking out the same blue notebook i have in my bag everyday on the way to work, making a list of things i have/want/hope to do for the day/week, and checking the items out on the next day when i take out the notebook again as i jot down new stuffs. So far, the count is doing good. I dont get 100% checked off per day, but at least everyday, at least one item is checked.

They say "baby steps", they say "dream big", they say "unity is strength", they say " each to his own". Suddenly when everyone, irregardless of their seniority, expertise falls on the same boat with the same situation, an imbalance starts to surface. A very interesting phenomena is noted in the office. Wait, suddenly it's not an office where everyone go about their meeting... It's a forum, where everyone meet to discuss, not about work, not to complain about work.. but rather, the lack of work. I feel an emptiness, at the same time, an exciting anticipating at the new slate of path that might be ahead of me. Experiences were shared as we go around cubicles, gathering little spots to discuss over cup of coffee. Some sharing fond memories they have. Some sharing future plans. It's altogether... a very new thing to me.

To say, everyone took it the same approach is alit inaccurate. Some took it actively to seek new alternatives, some took it leisurely, happy at the chance to rest, to laze (if i should be able to use this work), some moping about, going round to see if there's new information for scoop.

I took abit of everything. This period is what everyone of you working will wish you have the time and resources i have now. I pride myself actually going to company resources self-help to learn about finance, read about negotiation skills while i continue looking at the market trend for openings available. I kinda helped an operator of mine teaching her MS excel, so that she can learn something and hopefully add it to her list of IT skills in resume. Frankly, i always thought i was a bummer at heart, but i din know i was not at all comfortable with wasting my time in office. I actually wanted to do something fruitful. So it was great when i could use the time to help this operator out. This is time, i'm thankful for this period. I had 2 great years in this department and tho it's sad counting down to its last wafer out day (yes, that's a term i have conjured LWO)... i've learnt so much and made great friendships. I'm amazed at my revised resume. hiaks. My manager has kindly reviewed it 3times. yes, it can mean two things, he's really concerned about my future and hence really want me to do a top-notch resume, or i really did a lousy resume.

Sigh, having added all that, i've been "arrowed" into a team to come up with a "closure" (i hate to use that term) souvenir for all of us. the "last arrow" they told me. *sigh*

I'm actually very positive about this whole thing. And to top it all, i've treating myself to little indulgences (yes those sensible friends of mine might shake their head and ask me to save for a rainy day instead).

Take today for example, i rate 4 star ****.
Went for a pedicure with my colleagues during lunch using mich's package deal but we pay her lah. i top up mine with another $4 for footscrub. Yeah, nice feet and toes and toe nails. it's feels equally disguisting and liberating to see that pile of towering dead skins on the towel where my feet rest.

Followed by a pretty fruitful day at work, i went back home, caught abit of "MR DEEDs" on cable. Btw, "the IRon MAN" is amazing! the lousiest thing about the movie was the title was totally under-rated and pushing potential audience away cos the title remains them of "the iron ladies", i gotta admit i was one of those until i watched the show and was totally convinced. Tony Starke is the man. He made us engineers feel proud, and at the same time freaking poor.

Oops, i have yet again diverted. Back to the star-studded day, so i came back home, watched a bit of "mr deed", the meaningful part where adam sandler asked the share holders if they all turned out what they wanted to be when they were little. Nope. I shook my head too, sadly the only difference between me and those share holders... i dont know what i wanted to be when i was little. or did i forget along the way?

I could not shout out loud what i wanted to be when i was little, but i seriously dont think engineer was the word i had in mind when i was 6. 'English' was possibly the closest word to 'engineer' i guess at that age, and i did pretty fine in english, if that was a sign.

Anyway, after the movie, i went for a nice warm shower, still admiring my pretty toes when i pampered myself to some DIY facial regime. Put the "wedding album" on my mini compo and was listening to "fallen" by lauren woods when i started blogging in the comfort of my room. How cool is that?

And now, i've more or less come to the end of my thoughts. It's time to take good night sleep. Beauty sleep is extremely important at this time of my life. First, i'm starting to age, we are aging all the time, but now, it's starting to show physically if we dont take care of ourselves, for example, i hate to write this down, but it will serve me good memory as i read this one day. I cant really do sit-ups already.... how depressing right? You think thin people has no problems. Think again. My sister was having the best laughs for the longest time while she see me struggles to get up.

oh "IF" by bread is playing now. A room filled with music that douses me to my bed.

Good night now, dear hooey, if u ever come back into this entry 10 years down the road, remember this. life is good, you are thankful for whatever comes your way, be it good or bad.

i've also been meaning to blog about the tragic natural disaster at myanmar and chengdu. Read the papers this morning, and felt a tinge of sadness seeing those pictures of post-destruction ruins.

My invisible bucket list

So do you have your own bucket list?

I too, hope to leave this world one day with "my eyes closed and my heart opened".

Actually, how do you define your own bucket list? yes, i know it's alist of things you hope to accomplish before one kicks the bucket. But what kinda things?

Is it...

Things which makes u happy, or things which make others happy?

Things which u fail to do? Or things which u like to do?

Meet People whom you never met? Or people whom u cherish and cherished you?

The failure to have the "best of both worlds" and yet knowing you are going to enter another new world from your current one depicts an emotion that is both depressing and yet, inspiring.

You know you are going to die, and suddenly, things become clear. Or at least that's why it's always shown in the movies.

And because i dont know when i'm going to kick the bucket, i think it's hard for me to come up with my bucket list at this very moment. I will not know the thoughts going through my mind, unlike "Tuesdays with Morrie".

However, the show did leave me pondering. Oh, i like to highlight i watched the movie alone.On the last day of screening island wide. I wanted to catch it alone in the first place. Felt it was something i could do without falling asleep or needy of someone's sleeves beside me should i fear or tear.

I'm glad i caught the bucket list. Even tho, i did tear in the end, with strangers beside me, it was nevertheless, an experience i will remember.

New Year Resolution for 2008 and recap 07

It's the last sunday of 2007 and since i dont think i will be around tomorrow night to blog about my new yaer resolutions, i thought i should do it tonight (begin the last entry of 2007).

I have long forgotten the last time i wrote down any new year resolution. Maybe i did lastyear, but i dont remember, which really isnt much of a good thing if you ask me.

Off hand, i cant really think of specific goals for 2008, nor do i have the energy to recap my 2007. However, it has been a good year for me. i' feel blessed with the people around me. My bf has been really supportive this period and it was a memorable year, a year i grew, workwise and emotionally wise.

If there's anything i like to continue improving for year 2008:

1) to continue counting my blessings (thankful for the people who love and care for me)
2) To extend the love given to me to others (must learn to care more and appreciate)
3) To save more $$$$$$$!!!!!target: 10 k! *i'm not as ambitious and capable as yc *
4) To improve on my physical self ( yes, this is highly superficial but i have long long wanted to gain some good weight and remove those stupid blemishes that's perpetually taken residence on my face)
5) To elaborate on point 4: I hope my braces will be removed!!!!!
6) Organise.. (i'm working on this, i can feel it but i think i can still be improved)

Just to highlight some of my 2007 "hall of fame"
Travel:
1) Melbourne
2) Hanoi
3) Batam
4)Hong kong China
Work:
1) Organize a HP mega event( celebration)
2) award for my research
3) Recognized @ work

Family:
1) Moved house!!!!!
2) Kick started Christmas presents to family!
3) planned and designed own room with sister
4) "celebrated" youngest bro's turning 18 @ zouk
5) family trip to HK-china *the previous flight trip we took was 10 years ago!!!*
6) Visited my family roots in San-tou

Relationship:
1) Spent one year anniversary
2) First Birthday surprise by dear with HP
3) First overseas trip.
4) First squad overseas trip
5) Kj and eveie's wedding!! * hen party included*
6) Planning b2's wedding!
7) Attended hanwen's very lovely christmas party
8) Dear's convo
9) First scrapbooking experience: For Dear and Hanwen's Birthday
10) an overdue cooking attempt @ pasta for the family with bf
Money:

1)
2)
3)
* as u can see it's all empty*

Alright, that's all i can think. I feeling drowsy. i'm praying for more in the year 2008! Same goes to everyone. Happy New Year!!!!