Living in own world

I hate to think of a line to start the blog. Making it sound as tho i'm addressing a crowd which seriously, at this point, the only one i'm addressing to: me.

Just read through some of my friends' blogs, mainly my source of getting updates about my friends' lives. Dont know when i became so passive about getting people out, arranging for a meal, over a cup of coffee just to hear each other out.

Many times, i condone myself for not putting that extra effort. Should i do so because that seems right, or should i really do so because i care? My latest brand of philosophy has spotted me only doing things because i really mean it. My way of caring is often veiled by my nonchalence. Not that i dont care, but sometimes i frankly believe i just dont care enough by others' standards.

I missed not being there for the people i care about. I missed not being there to support the ones i've been so close years back. The guilt i feel is temporary, a strong function of how brutally frank and oblivious i have become.

So self-absorbed in my work, my sleep and my life that i've cast aside the task of checking on others.

I'm focused in making full use of my time and the best of my life, aiming never to live a day feeling there should be another way asking myself "what if". I arrange meetings, planning tasks at work according to my calendar outlook, referencing it for any free-time slot to allocate more duties that come my way. Became a faithful follower of updating my calendar for fear someone schedules a meeting and double the fear that it clashes with another appointment because of my lack of diligence in time-management.

Should i be doing that with the rest of my life, aka non-work life? Dedicating specific timeslots to different sectors of my life so that everyone and everything is appropriately scheduled and not neglected?

True that i spend a tad much time just not talking, sipping a cup of coffee, passively watching TV once i settled back at home. True i realized there's a nagging voice at the back of my head wondering how the special people in my life have been. True how i spent so many ocassions lamenting on this and not doing anything about it.( Now seems like a typical demonstration).

Just triggered me that i caught a xmas movie on hbo (something about mr frosty), how this guy wanted to not spend xmas along with the (norm) community and just enjoy a relaxing holiday with his wife on a cruise to the summer islands. How the neighbouring kids were appalled when he did not decorate his house with the normal christmas lightings or put up mr frosty on the chimney. Aka, playing along the theme of the gringe.

Hmm, have i become abit sceptical? But i dont see anything really wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with spending christmas in other fashion, is there? Must we conform to the norm to gain general acceptance? True the talk about caring and sharing, the festive of giving, celebrating this festival with your loved ones, but in the show, his daughter was supposed to be away on will not be back for xmas. So, what's wrong with bringing your spouse (just the two) having a romantic christmas get-away? Shrugs. Well, never mind what happened later on in the movie. It was a happy ending.

Maybe its saturday afternoon lazing at home=). I am going for a run tom. Yup, standard chartered 10km. Feeling freaky and tired as we speak. counting downt to slightly more than 12 hours away. *swallows hard* Been running... but not clocking or hitting the distance required. A last minute attempt proved futile?

I must complete.