Happy Mother's Day

I'm a tad sad i took that long to blog, i didnt know almost a quarter of 2012 has passed since my last post. And we have done quite a couple of stuffs in this period.

 1) We've gotten a new car. Yes, that's my daily mode of transport to work, i've grown to enjoy the ride and peace. Though the sad part is, i dont get to read on transport nor do i get to stare into space, people watched or fall asleep. The best part is i saved a good 45 mins off travelling which means more zzz for me- Jan 2012

 2) We've got a new place! Yes, we are rather fast movers in this aspect, and i cant wait for our new place to be up! Great ideas for decoration, having friends over for meals, DVD, or just chilling with the facilities in store.- Mar 2012

 3) We've step foot on Europe-> Switzerland, a place both of us wanted to go, and we were joined by jon which made it even more fun, and memorable. Even though hang-gliding was cancelled, we were able to go up to Jungfrau, Top of Europe ( An really expensive ride) but hey, it's the 100th anniversary this year. We just returned 2 weeks ago, and it's such fun looking back at the pics.

 4) And today marks Mother's day. Feeling abit more,( not because i'm preggie), which quite a few of my friends are, but perhaps because they are, and this year marks the year i'm celebrating with both mothers ( my mum and my hub's), and seeing friends around me post pics, status of their gifts ( be it receiving for the first time, or from their cute toddlers), or even our generation wishing our mum's happy Mother's day via facebook.

One cant help but feel overwhelmed with Motherly love. Nurturing love perhaps would be a better word. I had a conversation with my mum today, how young people today, are no longer that family-focused. We tend to ( i use the word tend) put their priorities on a balance scale. Family/ Work/ Personal/ and eventually Retirement. which is more important and how would you get your way through to a smooth Retriement?

 In our late 20s early 30s, we are all over fulfilling our wants, our almost compulsory annual travel trips to get away from work, climbing up that ladder just to get that promotion, hit the next income level, get an apartment with your beloved, planning for wedding, having that honeymoon, buying the latest gadgets, or eyeing that handbag. It's a phase most of us will identify with.

 For some, it's pursuing higher education, furthering our studies, be it abroad for that independent, travel experience, or local ( part-time : i salute), or full-time just to focus on getting that one item checked. Then it comes the point, when people start their family, photos of babies start appearing on your facebook. Gatherings of House-warming, now coupled with baby-shower, if not, it will be hearing so and so has gone for maternity leave, and 4 month break just seem oh that welcoming. Of course, in the year of dragon, you gotta coupled it more with securing your confinement lady, booking your maternity ward, or perhaps ( if not too crazy,) doing volunteer work for that infant care centre just blocks away from you. Do they even have that? Are we or are we all not chasing some dream set by the norms of our modern society? What else is there left?


 Back in our parents' era, starting a family comes naturally after marriage. Once you have one, usually, you will find # 2 coming along shortly, some with #3, and for rare cases in the 1990s ( like my family) we have a #4. Life was tough, the internet evolution came about in the 1980s....and that's when information overload, growing economy, globalization, terms coined like Foreign Talent, Competition, came about and stayed on. I dont remember hearing my parents complain, i dont remember hearing my parents sigh to each other, asking for a break from all of this, having a trip all by themselves. They save, scrimped (prob we dont see it), and they make sure we have food on table, air-con at night, and books to study, and of course, the occasional trip to the beach. I had a fun childhood. But today, will that still be the case for say, 40% of the kids?

 I cant say much for those in the upper primary to secondary students ( i dont have the data points), my statistics data comes from friends whose kids range from 2 month old till 5 years old. Well, if i were to include my colleagues, then 9 years old. So, hardly enough to know what the kids today are really going through as they learn to study independently, take responsibility for some of the actions that they are assigned to. I'm scared when i think of all these, I'm not sure how sustainable a parent i will be should i be given this opportunity. But, i will not ever want to think because of a kid, i have to give up on so and so, give up certain facets of my life. At the same time, both of us want to have kids someday. We are kids ourselves, and so we have to learn to take care of others. The idea of being responsible for someone for the rest of their life, seems daunting and yet intriguing at the same time.


 Just as i came across this line: I'm afraid of Success AND Failure. Yes, it sounds strange, but i can totally relate to it. On this mother's day, no amount of $, gifts, can express the gratitude i have for the wise woman i call my Mum. I'm here, because of her. I'm who i am today, the thoughts , the personality i have today, is directly and indirectly because of this great lady, whom i'm so proud, so proud of that i will constantly try to recall the things she has done, for me, as that's how i want to teach, impart to my future generation. I love you mum.

New Post 2012- My 30 birthday week

And so, before i knew it, my 30th birthday week is about to end. It has been a great week so far. I've spent CNY + birthday with wonderful people who mattered to me most, received surprises, gifts, thoughts from folks for far. I'm a happy contented woman. Yup, dont think i qualify for a " girl" now.

And i've been meaning so much to have some spare time to myself. Yes, really spending it with myself, with my thoughts, sitting on my coach and just typing all what i have been feeling since the beginning of this 2012.

I've pretty much started 2012 being really sick and unwell, i had fever and headaches for consecutive days and had to go to emergency dept in Raffles Hospital to take a blood test. It was freaky as the doc initially thought i had Dengue. ( Not for the 2nd time??!! i thought). Thank goodness ( or not), it ended up as viral fever and my fever subsided after a few days, but my headache persisted. It was horrrible having this headache which painkiller do not seem to cure and I had to go to several chinese docs to find out the root cause. Finally, after completed the medication ( diagnosis: heaty lungs and liver), i was back to normal.

And perhaps, it was this illness that somewhat changed my perspectives drastically. In a way, i always knew health was important, i was one who always aimed to strike a balance between work and life but this illness taught me to even MORE appreciate the people around me, showed me what i have been taking from granted ( unknowingly), and what i have been missing out while enjoying the love, convenience brought about from my parents.

Example:
1. I do not know how to cook cooling herbs, water to cool down my "internal organs"=> my mum made for me and i was so touched, i took a pic of it on my phone.

2. My mum-in-law bought me more herbs ( from the chinese medicinal hall) knowing my headache and fever did not subside.

3. My dad called up his friend to find out which chinese doctor is good and my family took me there and waited for more than an hour for the doc to see me and prescribe my medication.

4. My hub came home early everyday when i was sick, checking on me, he spent his weekend at home with me even though i was asleep most of the time and he had nothing to do.

5. My diet was controlled ferociously by my hub and my family. Cooking light meal, no oily food, even for them

6. I realize i do not know how to take care of myself, i shuddered at the thought how i'm going to take care of my kids, my loved ones should they fall ill.

7. I realize how ' shallow' our lives has become. Material needs, eating processed food, using money to buy convenience.

This made me even more determined, to cook, to create value, to be independent so that others can be dependent on me. Yup that's it.

With that, i shared these thoughts with the weekenders, yup, weekenders has become a very integral part of my life. of our lives ( hub and me).

In fact, i'm ending this "work weeK' with a dinosaur exhibition with S and J! That reminds me. I have yet to load pictures. Okay, i probably continue this post another time. But most important phrase for myself this 2012.

" to be independent, so that others can be dependent on me"!

Life married

I think the last time i post, i had not gone through the customary wedding ceremony. So technically, although we were married, we have not stayed with each other. Looking back, it's close to 4 months since we held our banquet at Marina Mandarin and wow, looking back, i think time passed really fast.

Strangely, it's also a time of more reflection as both of us get used to each other living habits. I wont say it's all rosy but ultimately i still feel blissful in the knowledge we are learning more and adapting about each other's quirky habits, emotions and thoughts as we started sharing a common space.

As i've grown to more obligation, with "wife" added to the list of existing roles " Daughter, Sister, Friend, Colleague" , let's not forget " daughter- in law" and him taking on the role of "brother-in law" to 3 other siblings and a son to my parents; there are ultimately adjustments, considerations, which i tell myself not to forget and take for granted.

And maybe in doing so, something i wonder if i have forgotten about... me as an individual. I seriously doubt so since I am putting my thoughts in to it, but it can be easily neglected and in place, is frustrations when one failed to see why one feel inadequate, yet, often it's the multitude of roles all rolled into one that adds up to this frustrations. Hence, i tell myself i must learn to allocate time to myself, to get used to it, while not taking too much of it, which may indirectly affect others.

There are a couple of things on my mind. Things which i thought i want to set about doing and often more than not, it just get chucked aside. When i was single and attached, i tend to be more stubborn in self centric in the actions/ plans i made. And now, i see myself overly concerned. what an irony.. so i thought i should put it out.

a) Sky diving in New Zealand. Mt Cook preferably, if not fine with other sites in NZ.

b) Setting up a Vickers account. Seriously, this one doesn seem quite feasible cos i'm not going to follow through, so i might just strike it off

c) Get my photo book done. But then again, i worry about too much stuffs which is already crowding our little room.

d) A holiday with my parents. I have brought them travel ever since i've started work, or at least anywhere really decent, so i kinda want to bring them on a short trip.

e) Saving money. Well, i do feel the urge to do that more now, even though there's nothing really pressing i need the cash for. I'm glad, cos i really need to exercise more self- restraint in this area.

f) Fitness? I target to be more focused in yoga, in over-all well being. Seeking a balance in my diet, beauty regime ( at least to really start focusing on clean, tone, moisturing .... i can so feel the "Gasps!" coming my way, that i'm still not disciplined in that area).

g) An overall organized mindset and physical on-take in various aspects in life, my room, my work area, my social life, my marriage life.=)

h) by the way, i'm blogging this on my Macbook pro which hub got for me. So, i rreally need to learn to make full use of this baby. There's so much functions.

i) Last but not least, to grow with my hub. It easier to lose track of what's important when you see people around your age doing certain things, which kinda influenced one to think, "yes, this is what you should do, this is what's next, this is the path", but ultimately, we should remember, the marriage is two of us, not what others set of us. We should be comfortable with where we are, where we want to go, and how we want to go....
"In health or sickness, in richness or poor, for better or worse" we will stay by each other. This is probably the only commonality, standard set for marriage.

The Curious Case of Life

it's break from work again as i began my Thursday, the 7th day of my 10-day forced leave regime.

So far, my days are pretty fulfilled though i had laid out plans for this week and changed them several times a day.

For today, initial plan was to go sight-seeing, nature photography in singapore, some nature reserve or rainforest. However, the weather seems really hot these days and i've barely recovered from my sun-tan (not voluntary) at Sentosa less than a week ago when i went to recee for teambuilding.

So, i woke up this morning, lazed in bed with my lib book-- a stress-free easy read chick flick book:"Remind me again why i need a man" occupying the double bed, all cosy when i tell myself to get up and start making myself a cup of coffee. No missed call from Parents so they are probably still out at breakfast and i prob gotta settle my own.

So, i made myself a cup of coffee, changed the bedsheets which my sister had repeatedly asked me to, played the album "Faith" on the compo, and started putting the bedsheets in the washer after i took out the laundry to dry.

hmm, did u realize there's "dry" in "laundry"?

Hehe, point aside, i had no idea why i started narrating my morning. It's 11.22 am and i've been asked to come to my room as my mum wanted to vaccum the living room. Yup, parents came back and bought me breakfast. They were surprised i woke up early.

So, i guess i was partly influenced by the show i caught last night with the girls, " The curious case of Benjamin Button".

There was a particular scene when Brad Pitt droned on about how, a series events caused Daisy played by Cate Blanchett to have a serious car accident, marking the end of her high-profiled dancing career.

It's alit incredible how little things which seemed so insignificant such as missing your parcel, having a quarrel with your boyfriend, forgetting to wrap a package could collaborate to amass something so huge, an energy of some sort, a collision with something bigger which end up ending someone's career, someone's life, someone's heart.

But we will never know, will we?

There isnt a benjamin button looking at us from above, narrating how the consequences of our little actions in our life each day affect someone, something else, triggering a series of event which would have alter this world today.

We can only pray to be careful and wise in our action and thoughts, we can only take so much precautions in our interactions.

I wondered if we ever have a chance in to see how our little actions has impacted our surroundings. If we will ever be given a view of that. Perhaps when we die? I wonder what i would see.

This, in a way is the mystery of life. I like to think, we never will know how great our impact stretches out. Each action, each comment you made, each interaction you had with someone, opens up another window for another. Just like a ripple in the ocean, just like a flutter of a butterfly in the amazon forest.

Just like growing old, as mentioned in the movie, you would never know much the people around you mean to you, until you watch them leave. Nothing is eternal, which makes every single moment precious.

*********

Still, i explored the concept of benjamin button's life.

How it's like to enter the world all wrinkled up, all weak and failing, all senses weak and in pain, and how's it's like to exit the world all peaceful and fresh, all young and tender, dying in the arms of your loved which you've grown to forgotten.

How heart-wrenching it must be for your loved as she watched you, not wilther, not degraded, but reborn into a young thing, becoming all childish and naughty, suffering senile demential for all enclosed in a young boy's body, with no inclinations of the past.

We briefly questioned the feasibility of benjamin button, however, as we noted with all things-- everything degrades with time, the sun does, stars glow and die out, plants grow and wilter, machines run and rust, tear and wear is evident of time, and so does man.

Is there anything that flourish with time?

Is there anything that eternalize?

As with the tower clock that runs backward, there are many events in life which i used to wish can turn back... however, i now wonder, even if i could turn back time, would i still lament it;s not good enough? would i have taken the same steps if i possess no knowledge of what i had done and the future?

Life is all about exploring, it's all about making mistakes, learning, picking yourself up, finding out more about yourself, interactions, making an impact to this world, whether you like it anot, you are making a difference just by being in it.

It's about doing the most you can, in your current physical and mental state. There's just so much time given to us before we all will go.