The hospital story

wow, it's been more than half a month since i last blogged? *paused*

right, i'm convinced cos it took me about 7 seconds to decide what i want to say. Blog Block? or Blog Clog? Ever felt that? Like you got tonnes of things to say but somehow it just doesn come out? That's prob how i feel now. It's been a long 2 weeks. For a start, i spent the bulk of these two weeks in bed. I was ill and I was hospitalized.

Before i start to recall the events in the past half month, let me confess that prior to this, i've always fantasized ( maybe that's too strong a word), but I've always wondered how it's like to be hospitalized. To have friends visiting me, fussing over me while i just rest in bed waiting for the next group of concerned friends. They'll prob brings flowers, fruits or send me little cards cheering me on to get well soon. * yeah, jing's psychotic,arrogant, seemingly smug!* I actually have that sort of fantasy! what kinda fantasy is that???????!!!!!!!!!!! oh dear...For dear friends, THAT IS SO NOT THE REAL WORLD! It's so painfully ironic to think how the real scene is so DIFFERENT from how i've always imagined.

For a start, when i was hospitalized, I DID NOT WANT friends to come visit me. AND no, no,NO visits, no pestering what ward i am in. AM i weird or what? I reject my friends' kind offers and well-wishers' concern to come visit me. OUtright reject. Something i felt bad and i pray for u people's understanding as to why i behaved in such an irrational, erratic manner. I was hostile, unappreciative, and just being a crazy nut. Sorry folks! really sorry.

There's so much i've learnt or rather experienced from this illness that i have so much things to say. It's like an ourburst, especially since i haven had much of contact with the outside world this period. Everything, emotions just evolved about this illness that started it all--dengue. Dengue is something like a house break-in. You only expect it to happen to others and never to someone close to you, let alone yourself. Call me an eternal optimist. You just dont expect something like that to happen despite all the big HOO HA from the media. What with 100 plus cases per day, u shrugged at the figures and move on with life. Yes, that's what people do. Until the horrible fact strike upon one like a wave of Katrina!"Wham, it hits u and then u wonder, what are the odds?" One doesn even win consolation prize in TOTO and here right in my household i have two dengue cases that require hospital care!

It was ... painful. Painful to my dear family who had to juggle the two of us. Right from the beginning when we both started having dizzy spells, feverish spurts and sluggish appearances.I still INSIST It's the prata's fault. cos i drove my bro out to eat prata for supper and the next day both of us were sick.Imagine my mom's horror as she came back from the doc with bro just to realize that her daughter has been sick and bed with the same symptoms. And then came the horrible daily blood tests we had to put ourselves through. I think i've gone for so many blood tests that my fear of needles has greatly reduced. THE key to injections is really just -- BREATHE and CLOSE YOUR EYES. If i have to list one good thing that came out of this episod, injections' off my fear list.

Then.. comes the horrible event that my bro was hospitalized while i continued going for daily blood tests to monitor the platelets count. Something which i dont quite comprehend how dengue actually attacks. The platelets dropped to a level where immediate hospital attention is required, one is hospitalized and the moment it start to rise , one is discharged. Hmm... never mind if you dont understand. Just something i tot i note down. Shall skip the dramatic details of how i was hospitalized.. and just move straight to hospital stay.hiaks.

If there's one word i have to use to describe, it's "Nothing".
For the first time in my life all i had to do was lie in bed and wait for food to be served at the bed. Once i finished the food, i dont even have to move a muscle to clear it and just lie back down. Sounds good? Wait first. I need help if i need to go to the toilet cos i'm really bed-ridden or so the sign "CRIB" that's lies above my bed says. i need to alert the nursing staff to wheel me to the toilet. The first night, i almost fainted while standing up for 3 seconds. yes. 3 seconds. Never had i felt so weak, but thank goodness that's a thing of the past. When one stays in class C (yea, i stayed in class C), i had Nothing to entertain me. Nothing to keep me occupied. i was back to medieval times. No TV, i wasn up for reading so NO reading materials. Hours were spent just staring at people, attempting to read their thoughts, configuring their lives in one head. And then to do a simulation analysis once their relatives visit them. To compare if what i pictured was close to reality. The first night was bad, cos i was disturbed by an itch which got me really frustrated and coupled with the continuous loud wheezing from old lady A who was probably situated 30 metres from me. Some people have a fantasy for Pushing the Button, alerting the nurse. I dont and i hate to have to bother them no matter the time of day or night for that matter.

The second night was a whizzzz cos a nurse came and give me pill for the itch and i slept through like a sound baby. It wasn too hard to endure being in bed and i grew to adapt to the environment sharing the ward with 7 other ladies ( picturing and analyzing them in my bed or head again). Nurses were interesting to observe especially the interns.. and their horrified look when i said i want to stand up. i made a point to try remembering how many times they took my blood pressure and i lost count from 12. My sister came and brought me the latest "CLEO" which featured Shannie. Was so excited and started reading. Time passed much faster when one has something to read. i felt so bad towards the lady beside me who can only look at me from time to time wondering what got me so hyped up. Wanted to pass her the CLEO but realized my sister hasn read it herself so too bad.When one's stuck in the ward, one is accustomed to others looking at you and you looking at them. It's somewhat like an unspoken rule that boredom and restriction of movements has granted in this mutual understanding of just looking around. I looked forward to meal times cos i always try to beat this other old lady in finishing our food. GOSH, she beat me flat for like 3 meals straight. Some HUGE appetite she got. And hey, DON"T you start thinking to yourself how boliao hooey is unless you've been hospitalized in a class C ward. NO hospitalization, No opinions. thank you.

so it goes on like this for another few more hours when a medical staff came up to me and told me they are going to transfer me to another ward. I was like "???!!!!!!!!!!!" just as i'm used and quite amused with staying in my current ward and then i'm being MOVED!!!!! like anyone care for my feelings and adaptation skills?gosh, i din know how the new ward is like and i packed my belongings with apprehension, (of cos with the help of another nurse.. i was bedridden). Then, MR PORTER came and wheeled me to my new ward with barang barang on my wheelchair. i'm quite used to moving around in wheels i must say, save the roller blades that is. HAHA. I actually left the old ward feeling a tinge of sadness as i leave the nurses and the 7 companions whom i used to blantantly staring. SO Imagine my shock when they wheeled me to a class A ward!!!!!!!!!! no increase in charges, with my personal TV and Shower and phone and WINDOW VIEW of the outside world! Room with aircon and privacy!!! whoa, plus a personal nurse to tend to me. till today, i'm baffled by what happened.

Class A ward. single bedded ward and i was actually feeling uncomfortable ...initially. it was too quiet. the Aircon was so quiet the air seem still. The staff seemed so out of reach as i had my own room and corridor i can even wheel myself to do stunts! and that's when i saw, i even had a security camera on top of me so monitor me in the room. WHOA WHOA WHOA. i absorbed in the stillness of the room for like 5 mins ( i noe it's 5 mins becos i have a clock hanging on the wall)and i couldn take it. haha,weird eh? then i tell myself if i have to survive for more than the next 5 mins, i better take the remote control and on the TV. And suddenly i was transported to modern times. I was brought to a world of CNN and Channel News Asia, no longer a world which i self-configured and consisted of mainly 7 other ladies. As i watched the news of dengue update, i gave an ironic laugh as i laid on bed.


Tho class A has its perks, i had no doubt, relished the moments in class C. it was like an ephipheny of how once used to a comfortable environment, we take what we have for granted. Comfort is taken as raw basics and anything below that is unimaginable. A life many has forgotten or not even lived before. How many of us sleep in aircon rooms? How many of us turned on the TV at least once, taken ur literacy for granted? How many of us spent hours just not speaking to others, not reading books or magazines, not watching TV, movies ?Rather, just absorbing the surroundings, taking in the sights and sound ( not TV) and do nothing else???By yourself? If anything, the hospital stay allowed me to do that. The days and nights in CLass C where i had no TV, no books, no one to talk to except myself in my head. When i looked up, stared into space and just allow thoughts to flow and stop at their ease and not due to external disturbance.


if anything, i'll say there's too much external disturbance in our world that we tend to forget, tho no man is an island, an island offers the occasional retreat which is much required in an increasingly disturbing world.