Never saw blue like that

Hmm,

with 20 mins to spare before i start working on some documentation, the time is too short for me to take a snooze and pack, too long for me to stare into anything. So what better thing to do than pause to reflect what's been happening around.

Song on my winamp: "Never saw blue like that"-Shawn Colvin.

nice Song to listen to while typing.. just typing along with the music. Strangely, i have been travelling around for slightly more than 2 months already. This is also about the amount of time i spent working. Last night (rather, this morning at 4 am), in the middle of nowhere, a thought suddenly jolted me just as i was about to turn in to bed.

"How did i end up here, in a hotel,in Brunei? Staying alone, working in foreign lands, in a field different from my specialisation, in a world, where i seeminlyg stick out like a sore thumb?"

Dont misunderstand, everyone has been very nice to me. But somehow, for the first time in many years, i feel like i'm abit "out". It seems people around me have found their spot in this circle, while i, am hanging at the edge of the circle. balancing on the line.. any moment and i can just fall out.

"How did a girl like me, end up with the courage to work away from home?"

At that instance, i missed home.
I missed my family.
I missed staying with the people i loved, quarrelled over the remote, or looking for misplaced things at home.
I missed the cat.
I missed hearing those familiar voices.

Looking around, i'm enclosed by clean walls, carpetted floor, a huge bed and my own little world. Privacy. Sometimes, i sit back ( like now), wishin i can give myself a pat on the back. "Go girl, you've done it."

Sometimes, i sit back and wonder when will i stop travelling. When i can settle down. For anything, shuttling to places does not give u that luxury. Every place u go to, u unpack knowing fullly that it's only temporary. You adjust to the changed environment, but not allowing urself to fully settle or grown attached to it for it will be difficult (emotionally and physically)when you shift again.

This is the life of a nomad. The life of working people who travel. Board the plane and you see so many of them. I always wondered how long they've been in this line and will continue to be.

And yet, having said these, i am glad i took the path "less travelled" (haha pun so totally intended) from some of my pals. A girl, an engineering field, backpacks, a job that requires travelling, a homely girl shuttling to places.

Can anyone fully say that their life is brillant? Have we all consumed ourselves with work, with meaningless things that the only brillant thing u possibly own in your life is that diamond ring you're working towards to get either for yourself or that special one in your life.

Yes, i might be blabbering. To many, i might still be pursuing the dream that many wanted and gave up along the way. To many, these thoughts are only meant for the dreamers, the unrealistic romantics, those who only dream, think and lack the courage to go about being different.

Yes, i might just be blabbering, but i'm glad, i have not conformed. Many possibly just resign to work and then take things as it comes. Along with being that, i still have a small little dream. A simple dream, which seemingly is becoming complicated with today's world.

but still, a dream is better. A fantasy keeps a soul alive. Being nonsensical is better. It makes me feel young.

May i never lose sight of a dream.