Song inside my Head

Music and Lyrics "Way into Love"

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into loveOh oh oh
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signsI know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someoneto shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the endoh, oh, oh, oh, oh

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the endoh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Gadget

my new phone

i cried on my 26th birthday.

And yes, judging by the title, we all know what's up. I have officially left the early twenties range and time is not going stop alit slower for me just because i've attempted to do good or just being nice.

One year with 365 days, it's always been the same but somehow you just wish each year prolong its existance beyond 365 wishing it can extend to somewhat 730 so that it will be double the period before you get to see that birthday cake with those dreaded candles on them.


This year however, have proved much of a surprise when it comes to my birthday. So much that i cant help recalling what happened. How i have been taken for a ride, how i could have missed those possible signals. How i really really had a surprise birthday party.


how many of you attended a surprise birthday party?? I haven tho i watched many on TV.
Nope, i'm never too busy to forget my birthday, so i dont think i can EVER have a surprise birthday party, not this lifetime maybe, with the exception that Alzemier hits me before i can remember.


So, where was i?


Right, my surprise 26th birthday party.


It's really hard to put it into words what happened. But i cried.



div>yup, that more or less summarise the surprise party. i cried REAL hARD.

It's embarrasing if you were to ask me, what a way to leave the early twenties, how i greeted #26 with tears that overwelled me. Literally, much to the amusement of those @ the party. Oh, dont worry, you dont have to imagine, they have "kindly" etched those memories in the form of digital pictures which will probably stay with me for as long as i remember.

"I was angry, i was upset, i was trying to act happy, and then i was really happy, i was shocked and i was guilty and then i was confused as my face muscles were all contruded into mixed emotions, not knowing whether to cry or laugh."

Perhaps it's only logical to tell the story in a chronological form.

*oops prior to that, can i take the chance to thank my "EID" gang, actually it's really more of my "board gaming gang" who kick start the birthday thingy when we all meet up last week to celebrate giles + my birthday. I dont know who had more fun, they or me. Actually that's a silly question to ask, and i "swore" i will meet them only 2 years later. So i guess you know the answer.

Haha, still i had a good time with them. it was good catching up on old times, mainly my times. And to hear new updates, happy news about our friends. Well, if there's anything which cant wait two years, i appreciate you guys letting me via email or my blog. You all know how to contact me. HAHAHAHHAHA

*Aquarians' birthday cakes. apologies for lousy resolution. Still not very good with my camera phone. Didnt change the settings.

So, sorry back to the story on 22nd Jan. I met my squad to celebrate two of our birthday's : Hui ying and mine. Turns out i always share birthdays with someone, which is nice i feel!=), well, with the exception the other birthday girl didnt turn up and i was left with two cakes and many unflattering shots as i tried to get chips "aka the candles" out of my birthday cake. Still we had fine @ MINES cafe and i was happy.

with my lovely squad on tuesday@ clarke quay mines. Sigh, too bad some of them couldn make it last minute.

more poisonous games. 26 birthday already card #2,5,1 =@26. 25/1~ hahaha


the birthday cakes.

With my two favourite Vons in the world.
Here comes the unflattering shots. Me and allan testing out the face detection capability of my camera to my friends.
me doing something totally unglam.
Finally something decent with my birthday cake.

I spent a nice quiet 2 days just going to work and coming back home straight from work. Colleagues have been really sweet to me, surprising me with more birthday cakes. I feel really blessed to have them remembering my birthday, surprising me after my presentation and during my staff meeting.

My pretty colleagues celebrating my birthday after my presentation (me looking really shitty cos i woke up with sore eye. Boo)

They made me a card!=) love my lunch khakis, travelling companions in Melbourne.
Candid shot of me reading my birthday card. Geez, catch that surprise look.

Surprise birthday cake @ staff meeting, thanks to my photo colleagues. so sweet!!!=)




So the finally day itself 25th, after staff meeting and eating my very lovely secret recipe cake, i left office on time and met allan so that we can head home together, cos my family wanted to go out to eat, or celebrate at home with me.





This guy, of all days wanted to go check out his mobile, but in the end changed his mind when we reach kovan, he wanted to check out something for his mum. since it was on the way home, i agreed. Yet, after failing to find what his mum needed, he got hungry and he wanted KFC, by then i was already fuming inside, cos i didn want my family to wait up for me and also, i thought the purpose of going home was so we could eat, and this guy wanted to eat KFC because he was so hungry. And yes, my dear cannot go without food so i tolerated and sat there watching him buy his food.





Within a bite, however, he said, let's head home. He will packet the food and leave. And i was like... ??!!!!!!!!!!





He didnt even bother how i feel?!!! no doubt, i was pissed as he was eating but that doesn mean he should just packet the food after taking one bite right?!!! Boy oh BOY! i was so pissed at him i decided to keep quiet all the way back home. AND OF ALL THINGS, my handphone went down on me, so i didnt know if my family called to check why we were late, i was too pissed to borrow his phone to call back home to let them know too. So, i walked really quickly home, allan was darn surprised at my speed cos i was in pretty high heels sommore.





Not once, did he try to pacify me on the way back which was weird. Tad sad for me right? On my birthday somemore, but stil, as i approach the door step, i was feeling apprehensive cos i didnt want my family to know we had a fight, didnt want to worry them mah... So i paused before unlocking the door, trying to muster a big smile while that silly man was still behind me, uncertain of what he can do to cheer me up, when i suddenly heard a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONG" coming out of my house.....????





That's when i was greeted with this sight.. ignore the people, These were taken after my shock.



* my post shock pictures still tearing as i cant believe what they planned for me"

Of cos, i was agape! Someone took videos of me as i stepped into the house, there were poppers, thanks to my baby brother giving me a shock as i stepped into the house. There my sister go, looking all smirk!!! i was like????? "OH MY GOSH!!!!" and then my sister asked me to go into my room to put my stuffs..... i was like still so shocked at the birthday surprise.. when i saw...



MY FRIENDS!!!! iN MY ROOM!, all cheering and yelling "SURPRISE" when i turned on the light of my room, of cos my lovely sister had to take video of that too, and you can hear me saying.. "OH MY GOD!!" while wiping the tears of foolishness and happiness away. I FEEL SO DUMB!!! the party was all planned, allan deliberately lured me away from home so my friends could reach home on time!! I felt so stupid and guilty for shunning him, for ignoring him throughout the way home.

ARGh, stupid silly hooey. I had to compose myself CRY BABY. I told all of them to leave my room so that i can cool down and hide my embarrassment, wipe those tears, and drank all my friend's beverages which they left in my room so i could feel better. Sigh. I've been PUNKED!

and so, i got out later, we all had fun, laughed at me... i gathered pieces of information and yeah.. it's PARTY TIME>

The masterminds behind the big surprise party, my sister being the evil plotter, and allan the accomplice and of course, the victim being the birthday girl! Who ever heard of anyone crying on their birthday?!!! and with the pictures to show somemore.. darn! but hey, you only turn 26 once.
Well, i forgive and i forget. Of course, who can hate that lovable sister of mine, who went through so much to help plan this? And she makes one fantastic float! Yumyum! okay all tears dried though still red-eyed, i LOVE MY FAMILY! for planning this party for me. Ah dad is so shy he went into the room! haha
I'm so touched.
My friends recalling what happened, haha chatting over floats and sparkling wine.
You girls really got me. Who would have expect them to turn up after we met up on Tuesday!?!!! i LOVE THEM!

I really like to thank my wonderful wonderful sister and allan dear for making this possible. Thanks for making my 26th so bearable and sweet. and to my sweetest friends of over 10 years. My 26th birthday really marks a very memorable memorable day in my life. Having friends, family and my bf to celebrate my birthday.

I am blessed. It's really one special day in my life. 25 jan 2008.

* of course thanks to the many many of you who wished me happy birthday. you made my life very special by just being in it.

THANKS!!!!=)

My first post via my mobile

flowers photos taken in HK and China

crystals in its most natual form in its natural form
dew on flowers of Ocean Park

this was taken in San-Tou, my dad's old hometown

i really want to imrpove on my photography. Especially night shots and portraits.

hongkong dec07 highlights part1

family of blue-eye monsters!
my favourite Disney shot!!!

Yes! finally a traditional HK cafe's breakfast!!!!!!Vengence of the Glut!!

taking the ferry across to Hong Kong island

What do you want to learn?

it's the brand first day of 2008 and i just finished watching a great show on HBO.

"Accepted". It's a great show to kick start the new year and boy was i glad i decided to catch it while browsing through my smart playlist.

"Accepted" depicts a show where a group of college-rejected students got together to set up a fictitious college so as to avoid any more complaints, disgrunts from parents and relatives. It all started with a fake acceptance letter from the South Hampton Institute Technology (S.H.I.T) which later full blown to a dsyfunctional college running on its own with over 300 students because of a boogie website introducing SHIT!!!

Yes, it all started with a lie but how this lie came about and evolved into something which brought true meaning to gaining acceptance without deliberately trying. I think thats what's most important.

How often we seek the truth in everything we ruin the process by trying so hard to do what's right and good. To go through all the legal means and convincing ourselves that the right path to everything is truth. How we often demean lies of all form without giving a chance to find out why the lie came about.

How S.H.I.T differs from any college which truely strikes me in the show...

1) There are no official teachers or faculty. Students are the teachers. They learn from one another.

2) Cirriculum?? There are no fixed classes. You decide what you want to learn, and write them on this huge white board that's centered in the middle of the hall way. Plastered right on top of the white board is " WHAT DO YOU WANT TO LEARN?", you write down your thoughts, you say out what you want to learn and you just set up something. Those who are interested will follow along, and there you have it== A Class.

Seriously this show really brought meaning to .." a class of your own"

3) Education is to simulate creativity and passion for learning. What a line, and how colleges today "truely' adhere to this motto.
haha, in SHIT tho, it's a ficitious college, i saw that happen, and while i'm just someone viewing it over the TV box, can you believe if the college actually exist?

The show actually compared with another top-brass college where u see people falling asleep in lectures, some fervently taking lecture notes, some being bullied real time for simply looking different from others (out cast because they look nerdy, or fat, or weird just because they choose to do laugh when nobody does or talk of things which aint the most hop topic....=> familiar?)


So, i was really inspired after the show. If someone were to ask you " What do you want to learn?", what would you say?

1) ....
2) .. What?
3).. i thought that's what the school's supposed to do?
4)....Hmm, i have really never thought of it.
5) What i want to learn aint going to make me big bucks
6) Nah, my parents think it's useless stuffs
7) it's not offered locally

Why? Truth be told, i dont have an answer for that question the moment it was shoved into my face. Why? Is it because there's nothing i want to learn? Or, i have really just been taking things for granted, taking whatever is coming my way? And why should that be the way? Are we not students? even if we are no longer studying, are we not always seeking something new to learn? So why should that stop after school?

It saddens to know, the process of learning was not heightened even when we are in school. imagine how it would go after leaving school?

So, now that we left... how has physics 101 help you achieve your dreams? in "Accepted", students want to learn to do skateboarding stunts and learn to apply certain theories in physics to better help execute moves.

The technical "classes", helped them create signboards, set up a small bar which was what they wanted to do when they want to learn to concoct certain cocktails to serve by the pool.

Let's not forget those who have a passion for eating, they learn to cook and serve those people who eat their food while going about their other classes.

I guess, you can picture what i'm saying. You have a passion for something you want to learn something, and when u seek to achieve them, you learn other things in return...

That's how life should be, there is no designated roles when it come to teaching and learning. Everyone can be a teacher and student. And it should be the way.

Why is it so important to gain acceptance, so much so to give up who you really are? Dont ever compromise that...

i'm glad i'm feeling like this. It's feels like a great start to the new year.

Happy new year 2008! Now, to go have my dinner.

Btw, had a really good time with the girls counting down to 2008. I'm glad some things never change.

New Year Resolution for 2008 and recap 07

It's the last sunday of 2007 and since i dont think i will be around tomorrow night to blog about my new yaer resolutions, i thought i should do it tonight (begin the last entry of 2007).

I have long forgotten the last time i wrote down any new year resolution. Maybe i did lastyear, but i dont remember, which really isnt much of a good thing if you ask me.

Off hand, i cant really think of specific goals for 2008, nor do i have the energy to recap my 2007. However, it has been a good year for me. i' feel blessed with the people around me. My bf has been really supportive this period and it was a memorable year, a year i grew, workwise and emotionally wise.

If there's anything i like to continue improving for year 2008:

1) to continue counting my blessings (thankful for the people who love and care for me)
2) To extend the love given to me to others (must learn to care more and appreciate)
3) To save more $$$$$$$!!!!!target: 10 k! *i'm not as ambitious and capable as yc *
4) To improve on my physical self ( yes, this is highly superficial but i have long long wanted to gain some good weight and remove those stupid blemishes that's perpetually taken residence on my face)
5) To elaborate on point 4: I hope my braces will be removed!!!!!
6) Organise.. (i'm working on this, i can feel it but i think i can still be improved)

Just to highlight some of my 2007 "hall of fame"
Travel:
1) Melbourne
2) Hanoi
3) Batam
4)Hong kong China
Work:
1) Organize a HP mega event( celebration)
2) award for my research
3) Recognized @ work

Family:
1) Moved house!!!!!
2) Kick started Christmas presents to family!
3) planned and designed own room with sister
4) "celebrated" youngest bro's turning 18 @ zouk
5) family trip to HK-china *the previous flight trip we took was 10 years ago!!!*
6) Visited my family roots in San-tou

Relationship:
1) Spent one year anniversary
2) First Birthday surprise by dear with HP
3) First overseas trip.
4) First squad overseas trip
5) Kj and eveie's wedding!! * hen party included*
6) Planning b2's wedding!
7) Attended hanwen's very lovely christmas party
8) Dear's convo
9) First scrapbooking experience: For Dear and Hanwen's Birthday
10) an overdue cooking attempt @ pasta for the family with bf
Money:

1)
2)
3)
* as u can see it's all empty*

Alright, that's all i can think. I feeling drowsy. i'm praying for more in the year 2008! Same goes to everyone. Happy New Year!!!!

I love weekends like this

it's been a good weekend.

Taking the kids to national library, blowing little space bubbles for them, watching them jump in that air filled playground, playing snake and ladder with my oldest pal, watching the kids do art and craft, holding little hands, chatting to them as journeyed to and fro.

And then today, was with TC clan planning how to go about "torturing" the groom and his buddies when they are going to pick evie up next week. And it's back... first extended family gathering in the new place. I like the feel of it, everyone laughing over a good meal, sharing views on places to go, tips of what to do when we go hongkong, giving comments on our rooms.

It's been a good weekend.

When you wish upon a star

you should so watch stardust if you are into:
1) harry potter
2) pirates of the carribean
3) alittle macbeth
4) romance

It fits my bill!=)

The equilibrium state of men and women

i know i should be returning this to my sister, but while she hasnt come bothering me yet, i tot i could just squeeze in one more post.

was reading some blog entries of people i dont know personally and it's ironic to note how these "strangers" actually invade my thoughts more often than close ones around me.

The topic of interest: Men and women.
Girl's point of view. Boy's point of view.
Started ever since Adam and Eve? Ancient topic but never fail to spur the interest or spark off a friendly debate.

Why are we so different?
OR,

Do we think we are different because we are brought up to think that we are?

Why do books, articles, movies, media always make us all unsatisfied with the counterpart?

Why are men unsatisfied with what they have?
And why are women unsatisfied with what they have? or have not?

It's so typical. Confronted with a situation of unsatisfied needs, men are sterotyped to do "out-sourcing". *in today industrial terms*. In the case of women, we are stereotyped to re-enforced what wewant, some nag (soft approach), some kick up a tantrum, breaking up (hard approach), some resorted to crying and breaking down (last approach) to get what they want.

It's like if we were to use economic terms.(gee, sister came in to ask if' i'm done, gotta summarise).

Guys get the desired quantity by increasing the supply ( increasing the odds of getting what they want, out-sourcing if they fail to get it from one)

Ladies get the desired wishes by adjusting their demands on guys. They do realize, it comes a point, if they were to increase their expectations (hence increasing the demand), they are unable to get the equilibrium state (negotation point). And beyond this point, (if guys should choose to leave and not compromise), they will be "left" in an unstable "market" state.

(point to note, the inverse can happen)


It's becomes a give and take situation.


alright gotta go... sister rushing me. i cant finish.

What i was up to exactly one year ago

i was looking through my mobile to upload some pictures of evie's hen party to my lappie when i noticed last year on 11 nov i took pictures... and guess where?



I was with the girls at sentosa attending angela's mum company family day event. We played twister at sentosa much to the amazement or rather amusment of others who took refuge in one of the shelters as the weather wasnt really helpful.



Evident of our fun.

*blue-toothing to lappie*

That's vonnie on twister. looking good..."Oh... Twist again, like we did last sunmmer... oooooooo"
Me on bungee... mini scale. looking so happy... oh, the calm before the storm. I was yelling my head out when i was being shot up.

first sunday at new place.

Sunday afternoon

It's so nice all sprawled across my queen size bed blogging on this nice (not too hot, not too cold that i rather snuggle in bed) kinda afternoon.

i finally got hold of my lappie after my late breakfast. Caught up with my friends' blog. Said hi to a couple of friends online and now just filtering, cleaning up the photos on my memory card.

i have like taken over hundreds plus photos over the past one month and i have yet to compile, upload them yet.

Spent last weekend with the girls at Batam and it was good fun.

With me taking my camera almost everywhere over the last month, it was awfully depressing to note, i left home without it yesterday when i met the girls for eve's hen party.

I love technology. I am transferring photos of last night from my mobile to my lappie as we speak. Sweet.

At the same time i'm uploading photos from my memory card to flickr. darn, i exhausted my usage for the month with just one upload.

********

Anyway, i have so many things i want to update, by the time i managed to secure a spot on my lappie and on blogger after (reading others' blog), one sibling would come to me and ask if i'm finished. Darn.

so, just let me jot down the things i like to update
1) Hanwen's birthday
2) my dinner and dance
3) my new room
4) my new house for the matter
5) my batam weekend trip (wakeboard + spa)
6) evie's hen night party (yesterday)
7) Me spending 2 1/2 hours in orchard alone reading story book and drinking coffee @ coffee bean yesterday
8) my plan to save lotsa money
9) girls'planning trip to france and greece next year

Before i go, let me just upload one picture i taken before i started using the lappie this afternoon. My first sunday spent at home. (last weekend was spent at batam)

My lappie on my bed with my comforter in my new room on the first sunday afternoon. Letting some sun in.

2nd last day @ 17 xxx xx xxx rd

when i said "just taken" i really meant like minutes ago.

i dunno why i suddenly have this urge to just load the pictures i have taken while my camera is charging.
==. inner voice: Not sure if you remembered this, but years back, maybe not years but many many months back, you mentioned something about a chest of memories. And guess what? you almost left out this chuck of memories and decided to move out without it. Thank goodness you came back early from work to check on all the drawers.

It's saddening to note that this is in fact the second last night that i'm going to sleep here. i feel alittle uncomfortable just thinking about it. Although i'm going to move in a queen size bed. (with my sister of cos), there something about leaning on this double decker bed, sitting on the floor blogging that makes my heart lurch as i think about the next few days. Have you ever experienced anything like this? The one time i can recall feeling like this was a break up.


i guess you can say i'm all emotional, trigger teary, but i really cant bear to leave this place. All the time i wish we will move, and now that it's happening i'm actually sad. Char actually dedicated a blog entry for me. i like the title. Very harrry potter like. Not sure if was meant tobe that way.


" the girl who lives on"---- 17 xxx xx xxx rd.
how easy to remember? And how hard to forget. literally for me.

Perhaps it's the fact that this place is so huge, i've been keeping alot of stuffs in this. Hiding even that i've forgotten they existed still. I'm going to show some pictures which are not going to mean much to most of you, but they meant something special to me.. , i held them deary enough to keep it till this day, and it amazes me to know i've not thought much about them until they surface before me. And partly because of these little treasures of mine, i'm going to set up a flickr account to store their presence.


a musty blue glass bottle.


Yet another message in a bottle. I'm loving this. Memories, from AJC Netball.


Dont be sad that i've a group of friends to hold hands with. I'll hold hands with you too.

We can hold hands together.

it's making sad as i take out these things. Will i have forgotten about them if i never move house? Will they really stay buried in my drawer while i go ahead and accumulate new experiences, new friends, new chapters of my life?

it took me a while to recall what and why i kept this. Sob. * i like the way i took it*

the way it was kept so many years.






a gift from primary school which i kept cos it was an encouragement, or so i think. It's really hard to remember things once you past 20, even more when these things supposedly took place when you were <10 href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPGBPpJn-YYtZdMf53SykX50-nrSchscCmlgPElJ_mviAF7Obz2X7P4Dcme6mLuwRRpJbbp73UqG6-xQLhYmgKrXyNAy4FVZBa-HotG2-GJ0Q32MQqtdTwY80FAu8bKc5k7fk9uw/s1600-h/IMG_2304.JPG">

Identity? Responsibility? Or tragedy?hiaks. Just trying to rhyme. no tragedy.I knew the greatest people through this.



VDAY ACJC. A very special day. I rem getting brownies. i rem writing letters,i rem receiving a lily, i rem jeli baking cookies, i rem roses, beautiful flowers all over the school, i rem the next Vday at AJC, i rem a floating balloon, i rem a surprise. *smile*

got this @ fundorama where i went with jeli, jg and yc. bumped to shiying and gang. bumped to peiling and gang. it's like a huge gathering, which is pretty cool granted i was only there for like 3 months. The 3 months where boy from boy school meets girl from girl school. haha, very teenage text book.
Alright, enough of my reminiscing, it's been so heartwarming. And even if i failed to remember them everyday in my heart, i know they are somewhere in me. All i need is a trigger... just like house moving.*may these memories never fade*

(hooey rushes off to more house packing) hopefully this is the last instalment so that she can focus on packing.

Oct to be fool

Did a couple of things while i was online.

Today was at the new home doing some moving stuffs when my first parcel came to me. It's a good thing we went over or the poor couier man would have made a wasted trip. He was shocked too when he delivered the parcel. Fedex made my day. So once i came home, i installed my software onto my laptop. feeling Happy=).

Anyway, second thing i did was to join facebook. Yes, i heard so much about it when my colleague coereced me to join so that we can figure how to go about playing this thing that got everyone so hyped up, i decided to enrol and found a few of my hip friends have already joined this and added me as their friend. thanks hippies.

Well, Not much stuffs for a 3.24 pm. I missed my kid read and i wanted to pass some toys to the kids somemore, but i got home abit too late after going over to the new place and had to give kid read a skip. This house is still barely empty and i cant believe we will be moving out in 6 days time.

NOw you see it.

Now you dont.

Anyway, i'm dismantling this not to move it to my new place. We 've got all our new furniture in already. i'm dismantling so as to vacate this room. The bed frame cannot fit out of the room.

With the girls at Ma Maison celebrating wen's birthday!

Confrontation in the worst form

Sometimes,

i think the saddest thing that can happen, is knowing that you cant change something which you used to have control but chosen not to do anything and wait. And when it surfaces again, you are faced with the harsh reality that you will never be able to revert or act upon your will.

I think it's okay if you are never ever going to be confronted with what your decision or lack of decision has brought.

But if one day, it hits you right in the face and you're confonted with it, will you or will not regret?

Past, Present, Future

i'm so happy to have made wen so happy on her birthday.=) Just saw her blog, and been wanting to post about her scrapbook online but that would have spoilt the surprise, which, frankly.. isnt much of a surprise when the birthday girl herself knew of it before the actualy day.

*******

7 more days before i leave my humble home. today is exhausting. i dismantled a bed. i move out 3 cabinets. I did take the pictures but i'm alittle too tired to load it up now. My camera has been with me all the while, be it choosing furniture, adding colours to my room, moving things from my current home, still frames of this soon to be just house rather than home.



My new room is much smaller than the one i'm residing now, but it has a pretty ok touch (at least when i went over today and see the furniture + painted walls). i think what it needs now is the decor plus lighting's.



*********

Did i ever mention the tot of having my own business is looming in my head recently? Or rather it has been put into my head over lunch by my colleague and then suddenly one by one we thought how nice it would be to have a sideline and start a business together. And though we dont have a concrete thought on what business it would be, we knew for sure it would be a lady's business. Girls' business are by far most lucrative, but interesting to note the few which kicstarted thingy about doing business together are not the typical girls who will spend money on typical girls' stuffs. okay, maybe i'm an exception... for one thing: spa and massages.


*********
Had dinner with the girls to celebrate wen's birthday at ma maison at central. It's quite a nice secluded spot. and i was first. picture that?


Anyway, i took alot of pictures of the birthday girl and wonderful dinner which was followed by icecream at haagen dazs.



Will load them too if wen permits.

****************



yes, what's with the ***? Just rando m thoughts.



****** May i have the strength to keep me going..



this month i found myself being tested. blew up couple of times, disagreements with my family, my colleagues at work (over work of cos). It's just so hard.


I realize i'm not one to keep my emotion well hidden. I'm angry at someone, i show it. ( i dont even know how to act calm and cool when i'm fuming even at work). of cos i dont yell but i dont sound my most nicey self.


hooey aint letting anyone bully her. haha.


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Been involve at some fun stuffs at work too, choosing idol/s for the upcoming party.=)
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Have you ever feel you have lots to say but when faced with an avenue, be it a person or a book or a blank screen, you just dont know how to go about to start?

I pry open my diary last week. yup, you heard it right. It 's my second diary that i ever written and it has witnessed my primary through to secondary school life. It's highly personal which was the reason why i bought a diary that came with a lock. well, i wasnt sure if i bought it or pestered my mum to buy it. Whatever the case, i only found the diary but not the key! so there i was, figuring of opening it with a thin wire. And yet, the moment i open it, i did not even read it. I just closed the book back and kept it in the box. I din think about why i din read it, but now that i'm thinking, it might be because,

i've grown so much, changed so much from then, i prefer now than i used to be.

I din open to read the entries, but i roughly knew how i was like when i was that age. i was quiet. I was reserved ( i guess), opening up to only those few people and merely smile at others. I was submissive. i dont think i thought much those days.

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As i had my few recent quarrels with my mum ( which is really rare), i started to fear growing up.

I think growing up being independent scares me sometimes. I fear i grow and change into someone i dont really like, and the sad thing, i'm aware of it straight after our quarrel and yet, something indignant in me refuses to just mellow or say sorry. Instead, those hurtful remarks continue to come out. Stinging like a horrible bee sting, or a jellyfish's pierce. At that instance, i just feel so horrible.

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Do you think, one day when i start reading my blog (future diary) and just find myself returning back to these pages simply because i prefer who i am now... than who the future me will be like? Will i then run out of things to say because all that i have to say are nasty, are complaints, are ruins?

I dont know man.

(well, i'm still smiling if it's anything).

Personal rant that 's been bottled up

Here i am alone in the living room. Glancing at my place which seem like a last time for a weekday morning like this.

Work has been piling up, it's projects and events all coming in together, setting up qualifications, tool buy-off, process data analysis and presentations yet to be prepared.

I'm enjoying all this rush and yet at the same time, i'm hating the suffocating feeling just thinking of all the work and errands i have to run.

1) wiring of home network in the new place? or adopt wireless for all the terminals?
2) How to decorate the new room? Types of lightnings? curtains and bedsheets, quilt designs?
3) Fixing of wall shelves? how many and where to put it?
4) Aircon position? Will it interfere with the paint design which i've done up over the weekend?
5) Bath room renovation?
6) updating change of address in all documentations that has to address field. And in singapore context, this number can run up to 100s of form, bills, updating anyone who sends you mail.

Social Events:

1) birthdays? 3 this month (yet to come)
2) Hen-party? 1 this month (yet to come)
3) Company party housing 3000+ (yet to come, end of the month) and should i even need to elaborate i'm being arrowed into this again as the organising committee?


We are already mid month and there's only another 4 weekends. let's not forget the moving house actually takes place end of the month and the incessant packing, throwing, donating going around the house.

it's times like this i wonder, if my mental power is actually strong enough that i have no collapsed or if i'm been complaining so much inside me that it actually self-regulates??

I dont really head out for fun cos frankly the most fun thing is lying in bed and dozing off straight away. or snatching that little bit of time to and from work to read harry potter, uninterrupted.

I dont watch much tv even i fall asleep on the couch when i head home, still in my work attire and woke up to cold food.

I'm not trying to gain pity down here. it's just been so exhausting. but, it's good to know at the end of it all, the family stands together. 4-5 trips to Ikea lasting 4-5 hours each time? yes, horrible walking but yes, wonderful as a family making decision.

It's like the past few weeks just went past me without me slowing down to consider how i even got it through.

I could so cry and laugh thinking about it. Maybe i'm weak and all these piling on somebody else is no problem at all, but these series of events (some yet to come) has shown how vulnerable and unaccommodating i am. My sister is the one who's been the versatile and adapting one when i used to thought i was. She's the elder sister among us who cooks for us after our long work. (yes this is a hyper weekend), i think out of 48 hours, we only slack for 12 hours, and working our ass off for 36 hours.

She's the one who bear my rant and so did he.

I'm one spoilt kid who knows clearly what i want and want not, and expect people to think the same, especially my close ones.

And all this while, i like to think i've been rushing all these for other people and kept complaining i have no time to myself. This is true... until this morning, but i kept forgetting, in the midst of working with others, working for others, doing things for the family, they too had compromise my attitude and behaviour. They too had bore my share of tiredness and frustrations. They too, had worked with me.


This, i believe is something you wont get with anyone else, except family.


* I only thought of the title after completing this post, and i remembered coming across a small message bottle while clearing. i dint want to throw it away. I told him yesterday, i could whisper my wish and kept it enclosed. haha, i think it's more of bottling up my frustrations and only releasing it now.

Nothing like house moving

it's monday morning and i'm so glad for the leave in lieu for Sat's public holiday.

This is by far, the most fruitful weekend i had in ages, although it's very tiring and straining, it's really eventful.

had my share of tears, fears, anger, harsh words, raised voice, paint job,, furnishing shopping, lighting selection. Took photos to detail the process as well.

And having done that on both fri afternoon( half day off) to saturday to sunday, it sure feels good to sit down in my living room on monday morngin at 10 am.

it does.

and hooey is at ease. more later.

lesson from a young girl

Met a very young girl today @ a wake.

She was 7, she is currently studying in st nicks, and we started chatting about the school. how things have changed, how somethings remain, she recited the school pledge which was once so familiar, she was like a link, a key which helped open a door which i have not frequent for a long long while.

We talked about recess, excursions, teachers, school bags.

And at the table among the big sisters ( i shant say aunts, altho she was my friend's niece), she came over and hugged me. I feel her cuddling body warmth. And before we left the wake, she told her aunt that when she grows up, she wants to be like me.

@ that moment, we all laughed.

And i was touched and flattered. It's a miraculous feeling. And i'm still smiling @ the tot of it.